Am I hallucinating, dreaming, walking in a time warp or is 2011 almost over?
As I reflect back on this year, I am in awe at how much has shifted, not only out in the world but most importantly inside of me. I have always accepted that life is a school, and that every experience is an opportunity to move forward on our evolutionary path. I really chose to stretch myself this year and in doing so I attained my BA in Metaphysical Science and also became an Ordained Minister, this developed a relationship with the Divine that I had not known before. As you might imagine, with this initiation into a new vibration came plenty of opportunity to use my new-found skills.
I took some really tough knocks this year and am on the verge of tears as I begin to recall the hardest one. It was losing my a dear friend Christine on July 31st, and with that loss came my lost relationship with her family; Julie, Graham and Christine’s husband John. I blogged about it: http://carollefevre.wordpress.com/2011/08/01/christine-wilkinson-soul-sister-and-extraordinary-friend/ I still send them all love and healing, God I wish things could be different. I was so angry and resentful I almost went mad. I don’t remember throwing a temper tantrum like that since I was 4 years old. The Buddha has a great teaching for this; “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” It certainly was the case for me!
I believe this truth “everything in the physical universe is temporary”, I honour it…of course living it can be a whole other experience. This year, I have increased my faith in the wisdom and justice of the universe. I learned forgiveness and time slowly healed the wounds of my heart, and I dared to laugh again. With loss came many new surprises and gifts, this is what I love about the Universe and surrender.
In 2011 I saw and spoke with my father for the first time in nearly 40 years. It’s still fresh and scary and weird but it’s all great! With that connections comes all the gifts of my aunts, uncles, cousins and their families. It is still in the beginning stages and I can see the potential for growth, sharing of wisdom and love; all great things. I remain open to the possibilities of connecting and sharing on an even deeper level with time.
I was fortunate to re-connect with a long time friend and soul sister, Jackie on my 50th B-day (yep, I turned 50 this year too: http://carollefevre.wordpress.com/2011/05/04/yikes-me-turning-50-years-old-is-this-right/) We were inseparable for many years. Our lives ventured in different directions and a pleasant turn of events has found us embracing our relationship again, with many new twists and turns. The nice thing about coming together again after so many years is that we both have so much to share and learn from one another.
Amazingly, a childhood buddy and cousin who I just adored also found her way back into my life. We are thinking it’s been about 32-35 years. OMG, she is spiritual, funny and a lovely woman. Interesting how I still remember her as my childhood friend. This connection has made my heart sing again and I am so very grateful.
I was forced to leave a contract position at (SEEDS) Self-Employment and Entrepreneur Development Society where I loved to facilitate and help new entrepreneurs. I was so passionate about my position there, I loved it and thought it was a great fit. It was a stressful time of injustice, betrayal and heartbreak as well. Again I had an opportunity to watch myself in action and live up to my new role as Minister. This time instead of being pissed off, angry and livid, I was able to send love and grace. It really didn’t make things easier, as far as I could tell anyhow. If Christine was here she would have said, “It might have been way worst if you didn’t do it that way, you did good my friend” Could be, all I know is that I am pleased with my evolution, I’m not stuck in a place of guilt and grief and I have let it go. I could only let it go by following the advice I would have given to a client, “if the doors keep closing, get the message, the universe has other plans for you, let it go!” Believe it or not I always seem to find solace in walking my talk. It also makes it easier to look at myself in the mirror each day.
It was at this time that I discovered a new passion and the best stress reliever I could have ever imagined…painting, from the girl who never thought I could draw to having my art exposed on an art blog…shut up! You gotta check out this blog: http://pointsthruprose.com/ Thank you Jackie!!! Sometimes I just have to give my head a shake and ask what the %$$#@*&, I am still in awe. I have found a new level of peace that I didn’t even know existed, and all I need to do is take out some paper and water colours, go figure! Here is the blog: http://carollefevre.wordpress.com/2011/11/02/when-all-hell-breaks-loose-paint/
I was gifted a workshop called “Living From Truth” this year. I blogged about it: http://carollefevre.wordpress.com/2011/11/08/authenticity-improved-communication-and-a-deeper-more-fulfilling-life/
Doing the workshop and being a participant instead of a teacher was such a treat. I gifted 3 clients with the experience as well. It was a great opportunity for me to get to know Ann better and the good news is that we are in the stages of a fantastic budding new friendship. (Ann was my support system when Christine passed, helping me perform last rites at the hospital and being a sounding board for me.) Connecting with my “Living From Truth” group and doing the practices has improved my communications and an all ready amazing relationship with my husband. Who knew things could get better?
Last month with the encouragement of my friend Jackie I started a new business call New Perspectives Ministry: http://www.newperspectivesministry.ca/Homepage
I have only just got my marketing materials so next week I will end the year with the beginnings of something new.
To summarize things; the highs in 2011 have been high and the lows have been devastating. I’m not really a whiner, and when I think about the state of our world and the millions whose lives are filled with far worst devastation than mine, I can really only be grateful. Yes it was heartbreaking, yes it was a lot of hard work, but not so much that life stood still. Each day through my tears, anger, love or joy I continued to give thanks for all the blessings in my life and for my connection with God.
The changes I notice most from the effect of this year is my willingness to be in community, the deep-seated peace in my being, my phenomenal connection to the Divine and my level of gratitude for the reunions and new possibilities in 2012.
I leave you with a quote from Einstein:
“Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value.”
In gratitude,
Carol
